I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
