Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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