Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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