I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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