I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
