hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
