Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
