im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
