We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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