Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
it's like heaven, but drunker
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
