Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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