remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
