So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
