I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
