Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
