you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
