We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
