I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
When did angry sex become our thing?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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