he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He told me they were just razor bumps!
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
