So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
