yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
