Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
