someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
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