And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
