It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
