The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
