I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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