What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
