The brown eye won't let me do that either.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
