Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
