Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
