My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
