I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
