I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
