and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
