you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
