Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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