I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
