You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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