That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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