The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
