sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
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