Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
