well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
