Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
