Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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