I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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