I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
