so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
