2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
