I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
