Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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