There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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