You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Randomize
