her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
