i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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