There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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