I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
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And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
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He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
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