Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
