next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
