I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
