Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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