bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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