Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
