I accidentally had phone sex last night
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
