I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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