I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
