but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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