Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
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I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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