very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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