i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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