I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
