You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
