the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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