You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
