remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
